Ever spend a 3-day weekend in AC? Stretch that out seven times as long, add in a WSOP, triple digit heat, some of the best eye candy in the world, and tell me how you think you’d end up. To say the past three weeks has been rough would be quite the understatement.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do yesterday so I headed over to the South Point and played some $5 Black Jack while I was waiting for a $1/$2 NL seat. It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya. They keep the poker tables there just to lure the pit fish. I lucked into nearly a double-up on my $100, finally got a seat after a half hour or so. Won a few pots, lost a few pots, then made it $5 OTB after two people had limped in front of me. Four to the flop plus the sb’s $1 in there, MP limper bets $20 into $21. I say “raise” and put ou the $20. I’ve got a little over $105 behind, make it $50 more. Folds back to MP limper, he says all-in and is somehow shocked when I insta-call. He THEN thinks maybe his AJ TPTK is no good on this J84ccd board. He asks, I say no. He wonders if I have “Queens, Kings?” No, top-two, w/ a back-door diamond draw to boot.

There wouldn’t be a story unless the turn was a non-diamond Ace.

Then, the mother fucker says, “Sorry.”

“Do you want to give me $300?”

“Huh, no, why?”

“Then don’t say you’re sorry. Nice Hand. Good Luck Everyone.”

I was hungry, so I hit up South Point‘s Cafe. It’s awesome, like a diner in the middle of a casino, except the service is worse. They make up for this by offering chinese food at the same time as steak and eggs.

The condo lies in gated community just a few blocks east of the South Point, off Silverado Ranch Blvd. For the first two weeks, I was too stupid to know how to use the gate key. New Roommate #1 was out of town so I couldn’t ask her to help me. NR’s #2 and #3 are models, seeking instruction from them is like asking Keon for advice on how to play a hand. I lost a bet with NR #1, she proved to me that the key did indeed work, and I had to buy her a slushie.

A few blocks up Las Vegas Blvd, long before you get to the fun stuff, there’s an outdoor shopping mall. It’s like a faux town square. Kinda neat. We got our slushies and then headed back home. I cried myself to sleep got some work done on the computer then hit up the bank for $1K. It’s a double-edged sword, a bit of an anti-convenience, having a Bank Of America right around the corner.

Time to try out the Rio cash games again. The lists seem to never end at times, but with dozens and dozens of tables running, they fill the seats quickly. Their system is incomparable to last year, infinitely better. Each table has seat cards much like a tournament table would have bust-out cards with seat numbers on them. When a seat opens up, floor people or chip-runners take the open-seat card to the brush, you get this card to claim the seat when your name is called. If you played cash during the 2006/2007 WSOP, you were familiar with the insanity.

They’re about to open a new $2/$5 NL, so I jump in with $300. Two crazy old guys on my right get into a tiffle over who’s going to take the two-seat and I’m waiting for them to go Taj-style [huh?] and break into a West Side Story knife fight. The eight seat is a regular who refuses to play five handed, the game almost breaks before it ever starts.

I get antsy, play bad, and in the end, I can’t hit sixteen outs w/ TPOESD against middle-two. Oh, and we got it all-in on the flop, my QJ on a QT9 board against his T9. I’ve only got 13 outs on the flop, but three more when the turn doesn’t boat him.

Chalk up another lost coinflip. I forget who it was, but some known pro once chimed in with “I only ever seem to win about half of my coin-flips.” I wish I could get that lucky. Variance has recently made me her bitch, sans lubrical.

Fuck this $2/$5 NL crap, I’ma play $5/$10.

What’s that? Impatience isn’t profitable? So much for that $1K I just took out of the bank. I then thought about walking into freeway traffic went to the ATM and took out $500 more. Took a deep breath, and sat $5/$10 NL, at a different table.

Fold, fold, fold. Hey, losing $15/round in blinds is alot better than $300/hr in playing bad.

Player opens for $40 in MP, I grab a benji and a red chips and make it $105 from the button. Small Blind calls cold. Some players may think, “Wow, this guy must have a good hand to call $105 cold out of position.” Au contrare. This feller has been seeing 83% of showdowns, let alone flops/turns/rivers. Original raiser is disgruntled by the Napoleanic size of my stack, he opts to fold for $65 more, when he would be closing the action.

Flop comes eight-high, diamond, diamond, heart. Villain bets $65 (into $250). No sir. Before he can release his bet I’ve slid my two remaining bills plus the spare change into the pot. It’s a raise of about $220 more. My QQ miraculously dodges 12-outs twice against his Ace-high diamond draw. Ship it. I’m sitting on a little over $800 from my $500, still stuck $300 at $2/$5 NL, $700 at the previous $5/$10 NL session, and $100 at South Point on the day.

Couple hands go by, a three or four of us limp, small-blind pots it. I’ve seen him do this with asian gold before, he just doesn’t like to see un-raised pots, actually thinks he might pick up that $50, I suppose? Big-blind calls, I call, Button calls. Roughly $250 in the middle and the flop comes out AT8ccx. He leads for $120, bb folds. I’m arrr-rin. Fuck. Why has the button not folded yet?

Button is in the middle of a phone conversation and says, “hold on, how much more is it?”

He calls. I contemplate the EV involved in flipping the table and demanding a hanging-chad recount.

Small-blind folds, we’re heads-up, there’s over $1200 in the middle (because I lost a few hands after sitting at $800). I ask, “you’ve got a set, right?” You would think that for him to call around $500 cold he’d have to hold something around those lines. No, welcome to $5/$10 NL my friends. Money is only a score keeper, it really does have no value.

“No, just a flush draw, I thought for sure [the small blind] was gonna call.” Great, now instead of drawing dead I have to sweat the hell out of the turn and river. Running tens. Hallelejuah.

Hey, look at that, I’ve got chips.

Over the next hour or so I made many transactions involving hundreds changed for chips, my stack looked like it was fluctuating wildly but I was actually just folding the fuck out of everything. Asian dude on my right couldn’t catch a hand and was was already praying extremely tight. He said my stack grew every time he looked at it. I told him I had just been making change. An unfortunate hand happened to the gentleman on his right soon after that conversation.

T42r flop, they get all the money in when an eight comes on the turn. Nelly (T8) beats Kenny (22) when the river produces an additional eight. Even though I let out an audible “Wow” when the pot got pushed to the T8, I withheld an important piece of information.

Yeah, I had folded a ten that hand. An orbit or three later, the unfortunate victim raises again, as I’m calling I decide now would be a good time to get him flustered and give him the bad news.

Flop comes out Q87r, four of us are in there for $35, it checks around. Turn is Q87 A, two diamonds. Checks to him and he bets $60 into $150 ish. I call, as does the checker. LP has exited the hand. River, non-flush six. Blind checks, villain bets $150. I grab five black chips and nonchalantly raise to more money than some people make in a week of hard back-breaking honest labor. Blind folds, villian gets flustered and starts mumbling somewhat incoherently to himself. This stage is called denial.

I ask the dealer, “please pull the $150s in.” I want the guy to see that there’s $620 in the middle + $350 for him to call.

“Do you have T9 every time here?” Players at home know this is not the case, I could easily have a rule card and a joker.

He’s got $550ish in his stack. He begrudgingly calls, I show him the bad news. Huzzah, more chips!

The game started to get short and I was somehow sitting on $2,828, in the table for $500 (the day for $1600) [and we’ll not mention the damages on the month].

Time to go. Stopped by South Point on the way back and shipped $100 playing bad $1/$2 NL and good $5 black-jack.

And now it’s a new day, soon time to head back to the Rio. Sure would be nice to run good two days in a row.