Wednesday, while EHonda was lying in a hospital bed, all tubed up and uncomfortable, he and I were sending love notes back and forth via text messaging (his phone, my AIM on the computer). We were talking about the impending hospital bill, and the fact that it will probably be a few thousand dollars. E said, “sounds like an AC trip to me!” I thought the bastard was joking. I should’ve known better. I talked to him again on Friday and he said he was serious, looking to take the bus up Saturday morning.

I talked him out of taking the bus and into helping me deal The Scott’s $90+$10 MTT at The Fish Tank. He shows up about an hour early, few minutes after I did, and he talks like he wants to play instead of deal. I told him that if we do well in tips, he’d not only make tip $, but he’d not be f’ing off the $100 it’d cost to play.

It ended up being a three-table event. Keenan dealt for the first hour or so, and another guy I don’t know filled in for him for about a half an hour or hour until the third table broke. Steve was playing tournament director, and dealt when he could.

I high-carded for the button, and while I was dealing the second or eighth hand of the tournament, I asked the players at my table a question. “You guys ever play one of these where the players deal and pass around two decks, and shuffle, and you have to deal from the end of the table, and it takes forever? Pain in the ass, idn’t? Remember that when you guys win that $1200 first prize and tip, mother fuckers!”

Must’ve worked, because a new guy ended up taking first place and left a generous tip, twice. Second thru fourth (the other spots that got paid in this ~28 person tournament) also each tipped a generous 10%. Me and E split the money down the middle and kicked Keenan $20 for his hour.

As the tournament was winding down, two $1/$2 NL cash tables had started. Bert was dealing one, Nelly the other. As soon as we convinced Steve to stop playing downstairs and start dealing upstairs, we bounced out of there and headed for AC.

Tournament started around 1415, and it was just before 2100 before we left MoCo. Had to stop by E’s to get some stuff, didn’t leave there ’till 2130. Traffic wasn’t too bad, rolled in to the Trop parking garage right around 0100 Saturday Night / Sunday Morning.

Mikey was up there and stopped in to say hello. I sat $2/$5 NL when I got there and got stuck quick. Worst when I had just built my stack up to about $500/$650 (which didn’t have me unstuck) and then got outflushed, knew I got outflushed, and still paid the guy. That hand alone cost me about $400.

Few hands later I was on the good end of AA vs KK, all-in pre-flop for my $235 stack. Tight old guy made it $30 pf, folds to me, I make it $75 from the bb. He pushes. I calmly say “I have aces, I call.” They hold, I double-up (needing one more double up just to get even).

I look down at my hand and make it $20 pf. Crazy asian two to my left calls, as does two others. Flop is Tc8c6s. Check to me, I check, pretty sure crazy asian is gonna bet. In the words GeorgiaAve, he “likey raisey.” Dude threw me off a little bit when he fired out a near-pot-sized bet of $80. Folded back to me, I made it $200. He instapushed. I grimaced. Crap. Does he have a set? Straight?…

Nah, he’s fucking around with a flush draw (dear god, I hope so). All right, I got $235 behind it, I call. Turn and river we so beautifully non-clubular I can barely remember what they were. I’m not trying to show my hand unless it’s good, but I’m not trying to slow roll (or get slow rolled) either. He won’t show, but he pushed, so he has to. He finally does show KcQc, which didn’t get there. I turn up Ts8s (top two on flop, back-door spade frush draw), and I’ve doubled-up and then some.

Damn game breaks not an hour after that hand… but atleast I was up when it broke. There’s no $2/$5 seat immediately available, and my forever impatient ass wants to play, but not $1/$2NL, so I somehow let George talk me into playing $10/$20 LHE with four asians that hate money and know each other. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t colluding, but it definately poor game selection on my part. Woman on right was flopping set after set, making flushes, getting paid – and outright playing well to top it off. When I first sat down, I managed to sneak a few hands in and run my $400+ sit to being up a little over $100.

They called my name for the $2/$5, which is when I should’ve gotten up. But no, I stay, and give them all my stack.

So then I sit $1/$2 NL and throw a huge party. I’m talking over $1K. It was disgusting. I was playing bad and hitting worse.

We didn’t have a room that I could retreat to, so I just continued to play, really bad.

Finally, I decide to join Nelly at a $2/$4 Omaha Hi/Lo game, with a full kill. Kill pot games are sick. Because people keep playing just as bad, for exponentially bigger bets. I’m such a fucking luckbox that I played some dog shit QQ9x behind a raise (for only $2 more, because I had to post $2 in my first hand) and backed into a high straight from a J high flop. Back-door flush got there on the river, with a possible low, but I figured no one had the flush draw based on the betting, I bet out my straight, and got called by some raggedy ass one-pair (Aces unimproved).

No one had a low! I scooped. I get the kill button. It’s my second hand at the table, and I’ve just played some dogshit and gotten lucky. Action to me, I’m still stacking chips from the previous pot, pretty obvious that I haven’t touched my cards, let alone looked at ’em, I raise the $4 to $8. Get a coupla callers. QJ4r on the flop, I can’t remember if I check-called or led out and got callers, but on the turn I remember checking when the yacks paired. Guy on my left bet $8, guy on my right called. I decided now would be a good time to finally look at my hand.

Oh look at that, AJ! But in omaha, just because you got trips with an ace, does not mean you should bet the farm. However, a raise is “only” $8 more. I check-raised the dude. He just called, I felt pretty good.

I bet the river, got called. Showed my hand.

I heard mentions of the words “wow” and “lucky” and “please don’t leave.”

I scoop again.

I’m in a $2/$4 chop-pot game for two hands, and I’m up $115. Sveet! I tighten up, mildly. Few rounds later I have KQ89 double-suited facing one raise and i’ve already got my bb out there. My dumb ass might’ve three-bet it, but I know I atleast called. Flop is T7 with another little card and two back door flush draws for me, so I lead-out and got everyone calling. Turn is the best card in the deck, pretty much a one-outer. Jd. I’ve not got the nut straight with a chance to improve my straight, AND i’ve got a K high diamond draw AND the guy two to my right really likes his set of jacks and keeps raising me and everyone else keeps calling. River is a small diamond, unpaired board, but a poss low gets there. If someone somehow has Ace high diamonds, well that’ve be just cute, wouldn’t it? I bet out, no one raised. I said “King flush.” And from the sounds of it, I’m an idiot. But I showed all four and anyone with half a brain saw why I was in the hand. Nelly got there with her A2 nut-low, but with all those people and all the calling, she had to be sure someone was quartering her. No, they weren’t. She and I chop the huge pot.

One hand, I turned a nut-nut-wheel on a AQ52 two hearts board against two people that had top two, another that had a set. A stupid ass four comes on the river and I only get 1/6th the pot because nelly had AQ36, other guy had 5536. Nelly and the dude both have a wheel-six, and I get no part of the high, 1/3 the low. Yucky.

It’s rapidly approaching noon time, and the yamaha game pretty much breaks up. We scored a room, and went up to take a nap.

Got room service around 4pm after our three-hour-or-so nap. Went down, played some more (really bad) poker.

I was up at a few moments, but then proceeded to play bad and give it all back.

At one point, my $1/$2 table broke and they moved me to the table E was playing at. I asked for a table change, never got one.

I did, however, flop top-two against top pair, Khigh flush draw. My top-two held, dodged about 11 outs, and I won a nice $150 in that hand. Left the table not an hour later because I didn’t want to sit with E, not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to worry about me at the table, and I shouldn’t have to worry about him.

I re-sat with $200, and hey, look at that, continued to play bad.

My last experiment I picked up about $150 first hand of a brand-new table rivering an openended straight against a short-stack under-betting his set.

I had my stuck up to $400 and gave it all back… and then some.

It was so sick.

Couple buy-ins later, and I’ve got like $40 on me, and I just want to go home. E and Nelly are still playing, we’re not gonna leave for another hour or so. So I grab a $2/$4 LHE seat!

Big blind, unraised pot. I flop second pair. Flop gets checked around. sb Bets out the turn, I don’t think he’s beating me, so I raise. button cold-calls. I put him on a draw. sb calls.

River, I make trips. I bet, button raises?

Oh, he was on a draw. A boat draw. Dude turned a free set of dueces (not that he would’ve folded for $2 on the flop anyway). I don’t three-bet him when he raises, I just call, he shows his boat.

But now that I think about it, if I said “three sixes” he might’ve mucked what he might’ve thought was “three dueces.” You laugh, but I’ve seen it done.

Anywho, long story short, I was ahead on the flop, five outer got there on the turn, I don’t have enough left to fold, I get it all in (all $10) on the turn, I spike a two-outer on the river. I’m now even at $40.

I raise pf, flop nothing, turn a flush draw, river a pair, no show down.

I raise pf, guy on my left that just posted and sat at this $2/$4 game with over $500 in green, calls. Dear god, this guy has got to hate money. Tight guy out of the bb calls.

Flop is AK little, two spades. Checks to me, I check, $500 guy checks.

Turn pairs the ace, tight guy checks, I bet, call-call.

River non-spade. Checks to me. I toss a red chip into the pot. I’ve got two white behind it. They both fold. Everyone’s all “wow, nice ace.” I turn up 9d3d no nothing. Then they really say wow.

Sets up the pay-off hand nicely. Limps to my button, I raise. Donkey on my right that made dueces against me in my first hand at the table limp-three-bets me. I just call, as does everyone else.

Flop is 652r. Cut-off (the l3b’er) bets. I call, sb ($500 guy) calls. Might’ve been one oter caller. Turn pairs the fives. sb shady checks. c/o bets. I call, sb check-raises. Bless his heart. c/o calls. I three-bet after just calling the first bet, they both just call. River is a non-flush 9. Checks to me, I bet, they both call, I turn up 66 boat and say “fung how.”

Now I’ve got $90 after tipping the dealer. It’s now rapidly approaching the zero hour, and we’ve got to go. Nelly peeled me off the table, and I went up to the cage. Leave with $90 in my pocket felt like a victory. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of guy.

We finally convince E that we’ve got to go, and soon. Nelly goes up to the room to get her sweater that she left up there. I printed out a $40 comp slip and proceed to the front desk to check out.

After getting a poker rate and applying the $40 comp, they only had to charge $55 and change to my debit card for the room.

I collected Nelly and we were still trying to peel E off of his table.

He’d been donking it up and had about $70 left.

He got it all on a T64 two clubs board. Two callers, one short.

His 63o gets there on the turn, making trips, but the river is a duece, and 53, no flush draw scoops.

— The short stack rivered third place with some dogshit one-pair (aces).

Pretty much sums up the shortest trip ever. We made it to E’s around 0600 Monday, and back to the apartment in enough time to catch a half hour nap before coming work.

I can’t wait to get home and slip into a 12-hour coma.